February 15, 2010
Blind faith. Something I have always wanted to have and yet never truly committed myself to. I have been an optimist my whole life, or it seems like that to me at least. I have always seen the beauty in every situation even when I had to confront death of loved ones. I guess in some ways I have always believed in a universe that everything happens for a reason and I personally just don't know the reason for it. Not always. Sometimes I do. But blind faith is different. Blind faith is truly letting go of control. It's about letting go of hesitations, fear, hurt, history, caution and anything that makes you doubt the moment. I am simply tired of doubting the moment. I want to live in the moment. I want to breathe it, feel it, love it or hate it- but either way, I want to be in it. Blind faith scares the fuck out of me for I don't want to get hurt, I don't want to start over again, I don't want to hear others tell me I told you so, and yet...the beauty and freedom of blind faith opens my heart. I am completely vulnerable and exposed. The two things that I find very easy for people to judge you by and yet somehow, I have nothing to hide. I trust that somehow I am taken care of. I feel happy, relaxed, creative, free, motivated, determined and I know that I have nothing to worry about. Isn't that what we are all looking for? I believe that things change. It is the one thing in life that is constant and yet....my optimistic self can't help but to believe that I am only beginning my journey towards a healthier relationship with myself. I am trusting me in my actions and that is the best gift I can ever give myself.
